Death Post

Hey, Internet, what's up?  You mind if I call you "Inty"?  That's cool, right?  You're cool with that, no?  All, right then.

Colleague's father just passed away, go me thinking and rethinking thoughts on death.

My sister passed away from something called "non-hogkins lymphoma" in 2002.  She was 36.  Left behind a husband and a three year old son.  My sister was was not a health nut, but ate healthy (when she was pregnant, she didn't eat potatoes because of something she had read indicating that could hurt her baby. Potatoes!).  Never smoked.  Drank moderately.  So it was very sad.

I remember telling a colleague about it at the time.   Older guy.  Fatherly type, super nice.  But not a big biller so not worthy of any respect. (Maaaaan, that's one thing I don't miss about that place.  Every month an email went around showing billable hours.  The whole culture was "you are a big biller or you are persona non grata".  Makes for a cold workplace.  BUT, lots of people thrive (thrive?) in such a system so who the fuck am I to say such nonsense?)

Anyhoo, I tell this guy about my sister's death in a way that is like "this is definitely the saddest thing that has ever happened in the history of the world."

And he says "yeah, that's pretty sad."

And I am like "yeah, the saddest story in the world!"

Him: "Yeah, pretty sad."

What was he really saying?  "Get over yourself .  It's all fucking sad."  I get it now.  None of it makes any fucking sense and its all equally sad.  It's not a contest.  And if it is a contest, you will lose, because you can always dig up a situation that's sadder.  Same things when my parents passed away in 2008 (dad) and 2009 (mom).  I had my parents until I was almost 40.  I should consider myself lucky.

BUT!

Even with that realization, when I hear that someone I know, who still has both parent's are still alive's grandparent died at 93 or something, my "blink" reaction is, I am sorry to admit, "what?!? are you fucking kidding me? What the fuck are you so broken up about!?  You should be dancing a fucking jig that they were around that long you lucky asshole! By the time I was 17 I had no grandparents at all, and by the time I was 40 I was missing 3/5ths of my immediate family!"  Then I ask them if they are ok and if there is anything I can do to help.  Because that's the way I roll.