Wednesday 24 April 2013

Costa Rica - Part V - Zip Linin'!

Rock and Roll Casabas!

Pura Vida!  JJ here! Back again! More Costa Rica! Sheesh, you'd think JJ never goes anywhere, by the number of posts!  And you'd be right! So I'ma gonna just keep posting!

Wednesday 17 April 2013

Costa Rica - Part IV - Croc Tour!

Los Suenos mi amigos!

Pura vida!  As you can tell from my no longer oddly sized/placed photo, JJ is now reunited with his laptop in good ole' Canada.  But he isn't done describing Costa Rica! No sir!

Up there is a pic of the modest villa where we stayed.

Know what they have in Costa Rica? Crocodiles.  And you can go on a boat tour to see 'em  ! Let's go!

A van picks us up from the hotel. Six-ish year old kid in the passenger seat.  No explanation.  It's cool.  we drive for 20 minutes or so. Stop outside the Costa Rican equivalent of a variety store. Kid gets out.  We start driving again.  Cool.  My tour mate asks "is that your son?"

"Yes".  Ok.  Man of few words. He didn't seem like a dick or anything.  Just not chatty.

And here we are!  Who has to pee before we go?

Cool urinal, bro.

Then into the boat, and we're off!  Our tour guide is a very nice young fellow.  He points out the animals on the shore.  An iguana! A basilisk!  How does he make sure we see the animals (which there is a 90% chance I wouldn't)? He uses a green laser pointer.  Cruising down croc river with a green laser pointer.  Man, I did not see that coming.   

Now! Where them crocs?

These them?


 Nope.  Just lifejackets and a tourist.

These them?


Nope.  Just some cows wading in the river that has 17 foot crocs in it.  No big whoop.  Does the farmer who owns these cows have croc insurance? I dunno! Hope so!

Hmmm...where could they be...?

Croc!

I'm a croc! If I wanna lie here with my mouth open, that's what I am gonna do!

Then we motor to this embankment and ground the boat.  The driver hops up, rolls up his pant legs, then reaches into a cooler and pulls out some raw chicken pieces.  Then...he does this:


Yikes!  Am I right?  And true, you could probably find lots of videos of croc feeding on YouTube, but no other ones with JJ's witty editorial commentary! For example: "...holy crap...(nervous laughter)..." Brilliant!

Then we tool around some more... and then feed another croc! (not me of course...our intrepid boat driver).  This one is like 17 feet long we are told.  Apparently National Geographic measured him last year.  




This guy didn't seem as hungry.  It's possible that we were the 25th boat or more that stopped and gave him some chicken that day.  Dunno. But whatever, what a monster!

We zoom around some more, then back to shore.  Into our man of few word's van (this time... no kid) and back to the hotel!

JJ out! Next time...Zip lining through the Jungle!

Thursday 11 April 2013

Costa Rica - Part III!

Pura Vida!

Day two!

Busy all morning. Got responsibilities.

But afternoon free. Monkeys! Gimme!

Talk to a woman about where I can go to see monkeys. She says "go here!" "At 6 in the morning!" It's afternoon now, but ...maybe?

So I get my running gear and head out! Go down this road by a golf course. It starts to go up. And up. And up. And it's so hot. And humid. And monkeyless.

So keep going. See nobody. No cars. No folks. (No monkeys!). Until the road ends. At a gate. And a private property sign. And a dog bowl. And a dog house. And a leash staked to the ground. With nothing attached. Ahh! Wild dog on the loose! In the middle of nowhere!

But beautiful view! Right?

Then run back to hotel and eat and drink and stuff.

JJ out!








Wednesday 10 April 2013

Costa Rica - Part II!

Day one!

Get up and go for a run! Along the beach. Nice. Hot. Humid. I walk across stones to island. Figure I will climb to the top. No path. I struggle through the brush for a while. Lots of thorns. Owie. Hurty. Fuck it. That's high enough. Went back down. But here's a pic from the majestic peak! Which was no where near the majestic peak!

Plus: Lizards! So many! This guy was on my deck chair. So I killed it. And then are it. No I didn't! I just said "cool lizard bro".
Because I am cool.

But no monkeys. Just so you know, I have vowed (solemnly even) that I will see a monkey on this trip. And I intend to keep that vow! By the seven! Or the weirwood! Right? Winter is coming! Right? Right.

And then I went to the hotel bar and drank some all inclusive beers and ate some all inclusive food. Magical!

Pura vida! (That's what the Costa Ricans say!)

JJ out!










Tuesday 9 April 2013

Costa Rica - JJ in paradise - Part I: Transit!!


O-la mis amigos!

Heading south! Where, you ask?

Costa Rica! Where's that? South! That's all I know! Ok I know a little more than that. But not much!

Exciting! All inclusive! As I write this, I am heading towards my layover. Where's that? San Salvador! It's just like the James Woods/Jim Belushi movie! Except I will just be at the airport. And am not a reporter or whatever those guys were.

I worked with a guy from El Salvador a long time ago at the ole' recycling plant.

He was a very nice guy. We did a few routes together. Because of his Spanish accent the first time I heard him say "it's chilly out" I thought he said "it's shitty out". So I said "yeah." Because it was.

After it came out that he had actually said chilly, and that he had no idea what shitty meant, he told me that he didn't like the fact that dictionaries did not have swear words, because he heard those and didn't know what they meant. So I told him my mom had one with ALL the cusses and that I would look up the title and tell him. But then I forgot. And he asked me about, and I said I would. And I forgot again. He left for another job soon after. Probably because of chumps like me. Or chump.

Anyways! Get to the airport! Where do I go!? I don't know! I haven't flown internationally in like ten years! Do I have to go through customs? Rube!

I didn't have to go through customs. But what is the plane going to look like? Is it going to be nice? Budget? Will it look like one of those trains in India where they are super crowded and people are hanging off the side? Yikes, I feel like that fear may be offensive. And anyways, the plane is so nice! Leg room! Brand new! And for your viewing pleasure? (I put the picture in here but u don't know where it's going to go. I am doing this on my phone.)

Gotta turn off the cell phone before we take off. But it's ok, I brought a book! Something about a cop. And some murder. Crime! I get to page four and there is this line that refers to this woman who "hung" herself. Not hanged. hung. Look. I don't think I am (or at least try not to be) a big snob. If I ever read that in a message somebody wrote to me or what somebody said to me, it's fine. I don't care. But this is something done by...an author. Isn't it the guy's job to know that? And it's reviewed by an editor. Isn't it the editor's job to catch that? And, like, on page four? What is the rest of this book going p be like? "So I go to her..." "So she goes to me..."

I abandoned it.

The plane brakes (I guess?) made a weird on and off sound as the plane was slowing down after landing. I thought for a second that a dog was chasing the plane and barking as it went down the runway. I am a bad person.

San Salvador airport. Nice! Had a little layover so went the the restaurant and had a local beer! It was not good! Picture below! Or somewhere!

Flight two!

The plane not as new or nice. But fine! They fed us! I thought it was some local cuisine, from the package. Adventurous! It was a ham sandwich. But it did have peppers on it!

The a/c in the plane was misting as it came out. Humid! Or getting gassed! But I still feel ok, so I think it was humidity! And in the safety demonstration, the flight attendants actually put on the life vests. Which was a little disconcerting. But it was fine! Safe!

Land at San Jose airport. Customs! I watched "Argo" on my first flight so thanks to Ben Affleck, I know exactly how to act when going through customs: super super serious. Doesn't set off the alarm bells at all! Thanks Ben!

Get through customs. See two young couples with their surfboards going through. Damn hippies. So carefree. (Can I come with you guys?)

Then a 60 mile van ride to Los Suenos! So nice! Yikes! When do they find out I am not worthy and kick me out!?

Ok! That was day 1! JJ out!

Tune in tomorrow!








Thursday 4 April 2013

Ottawa - Toronto...With the "back" and the "forth"...and all of these types of things... Part I - Plane!


Brrrrrrrrommmmmm!!! (that's the sound the engines make!)


Hi!  I’m back!  How you guy(s) been? No taking wooden nickels, I hope!  I understand it’s a common issue these days!

Anyhoo, as I write this (this part anyways…), I am on a train hurtling towards Toronto.  Ok, maybe “hurtling” is a bit strong.  “Cruising”?  That’s probably better.  I mean, don’t get me wrong, once it really gets going, it can go at a pretty good pace, but there’s a lot of spots along the way where you slow right down.  I don’t even know why.  I can only assume. Cows on the track?  Train Robbery? (Cool!) Could be.  I just don’t know.